MURDER LEGENDRE

Horror remakes. The good, the bad, the ugly.

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When it comes to remakes of horror movies there are always going to be two sides. The ones who will always hate them for whatever reason and those who will give them a chance. Even the most forgiving horror fans have waded through their fair share of rehashed crap, and sometimes it pays off, and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m going to name a couple of films that I think shine on each side. Being a good example of being a pro or con for horror remakes.

There are only a couple of films I can think of that have out shined the originals in most ways. One of them I have talked about numerous times on here is Night of the living dead 1990. Even though the original was essentially horrors last great black and white classic. I truly feel Savini’s version with the help of Romero really gives that extra something. Giving Barbara a much needed overhaul, she went from being an essentially dead character 10min into the flick to becoming a survivor.

Another great remake is The Thing 1982. Allot of people firmly believe this is the greatest remake ever for the horror genre. I am one of those who totally agree. Between Rob Bottin’s amazing animatronic creature effects – that two decades later, haven’t lost a step with modern makeup. That along with a kick ass cast and stellar bleak remote atmosphere, not even the downbeat ending could keep me from loving this awesome piece of work.

This has been wrongly overlooked and I still have no idea why to this day. Tobe Hoopers Toolbox Murders 2004 stands high over its original counterpart. Hooper not only re-established  his quiet scares and graphic gore, but it also stars Angela Bettis, arguably the best thing to happen to horror since the invention of corn syrup and food coloring.

The retelling of this 1958 classic The Blob 1988 (which fucking stars Steve McQueen!) is just as campy and entering as any great B-movie should be. Add in another plus that it bumps up the gore quite a bit is a total win!

The Fly 1986 is a rare example of a remake that confidently trumps the original. Even though Cronenberg is know for his hyper-violent B-movies, he’s seldom done it better than this amazing flick.

House of Wax1953. Vincent Price. Nuff said. If you haven’t seen the original Mystery at the Wax Museum, don’t.

Alright, now comes the time when the people who always say “I told you so” get to say, “I told you so”. The cons to horror remakes, these horrific flops of shit neither had the substance nor the weight that the originals held. With out further ado, here are some my favorite remakes to bash.

The Haunting 1999. Bad remakes of horror flicks are as plentiful as black clothing at a horror convention, but the profoundly inept raping of the 1933 haunted house classic almost had me kick my cat. This film qualifies as a crime against humanity.

Psycho 1998 Fuck You Gus Van Sant for even thinking about this. Hitchcock totally rolled over in his grave after this piece of shit slid into theaters. I don’t even have to say anything else, it kinda goes without saying. Once again, fuck you Gus Van Sant.

I was upset when I herd about Salem’s Lot 2004 being retold into a tv series, but like I said earlier, I was one of the ones who gave it a chance. Between the ham-fisted performances and needless revisions to every single character the whole thing fell apart. Watch Tobe Hoopers original and beautiful shot film. It’s soooo much better.

When George Sluzier remade his own The Vanishing 1993 for Hollywood it amounted to bigger stars and less tension with a forced ending. A very, very needless rehash. Throwing more money at something never makes it better. Take note Rob Zombie. Speaking off…

Rob Zombies Halloween I & II 2007/2009 where do I start with this fucking piece of shit. Lets just say this. Soulless fanboy filmmaker masturbation served up in the most spectacularly flaccid of ways, void of substance and fun, and most of all my fucking time. Biggest failure of a horror film I have ever seen. My wife and I almost walked out of the theater when we saw the first one. The second piece of fuck we picked up sadly at a local red box and turned it off 15min into it. Let these films be a great basis for any argument against classic horror film remakes.

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